Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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