I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
