the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
