is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
