Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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