i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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