So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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