I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
