Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
