We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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