Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
