Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
