don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
