Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
