I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
