John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize