i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
