duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
