Swine flu. Run for my life!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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