dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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