So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
