But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
