my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
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Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
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Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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