haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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