He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
