Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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