my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she smelled like a LAN party
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
