if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
