The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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