That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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