I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
