I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
