Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
