I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
