Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
