the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
