Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My ass is underappreciated
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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