I think I am morally bankrupt
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sorry about my life...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
