So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
