i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
