yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you didnt know i had herpes?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
