How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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