I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
