yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My cat gives me a boner
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
