I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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