She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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