Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
