maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
