how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
