I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
