I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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