Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
