Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
