This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
