Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
