saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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