i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
