Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
