I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think your dad took our porno
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
