When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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