is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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