"it" just moved
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
