In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
