his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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