I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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