I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You ruined the universe
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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