You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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