I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
