There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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