He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
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