i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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