I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
