And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
