I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
And then he peed in my hair
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