i jhust puked up my retainher.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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