Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
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I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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