I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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