I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize