Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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