Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
