she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
