3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
